Merry Christmas!

This one is for Kelly:

Okay, listen, you guys.  It's been about two or three weeks since my last day at applebee's.  I knew that it was slowly killing me and that over the last six years I have only compromised my standards and morals to make money.  I knew that.  But I didn't know to what degree it was killing me.  I didn't realize how miserable it was making me.  So to all of my friends and coworkers at Applebee's I want to issue this blanket apology:  I'm sorry for being a douche. 
I compare it to being in the ocean.  The ocean is freezing at first, but as you get out, your body adjusts and kind of starts to lose feeling.  Temporarily, that sort of thing is fine but over the long term, I don't think it's very healthy.  And that's kind of what happened with Applebee's.  I came back from my mission and swore I would only work at Applebee's for a minute.  I'd get some cash flow going on and then quit.  But that didn't happen.  I lingered and got comfortable.  As I compromised myself for comfort and convenience, I slowly grew embittered; day by day, month by month.
Now that I am free of Applebee's, I feel like I can breathe again.  I wish everyone I meet a merry christmas and I feel compelled to be kind to people, without motivation or expectation of anything in return.
I haven't spent money in four days and that's the price I pay for quitting a job that pays pretty well.  But I don't care.  I don't mind living on a budget and scrimping by if it means that I can be content in life.  Everything is going to be fine.  I know it.
So, in conclusion, I wish all of you fellow Applebee's friends and coworkers a merry christmas! Thanks for all of the good times.

Christmas is coming soon.  For the first time in a very long time, I don't have to work on Christmas Eve (Last year, my final table stayed about an hour after we closed on Christmas Eve.  I was at Applebee's until about 11:00 PM.  Can you believe that?  Where' the humanity?? Anyway, they didn't even tip me, so as they walked out the door, I shouted "merry Christmas, bitches."  The dad turned and looked at me as he was walking out the door.  I was pretty bugged).  I'm so excited!  I'm excited to spend free time with family, to build fires and just hang out.  I think I really love Christmas.
Another thing, I'm currently running Christmas Carol on Tues., Thurs., and Sat. nights.  I really think all of you should come and see this play.  It's beautiful.  Chris(the guy that plays scrooge) is brilliant.  There have only been like, three shows that haven't made me cry.  It's beautiful and if you want to come see it, text or message me.  I'll see if I can get you in.

I love you for reading.
Do what you love.
Merry Christmas.
As ever,
AJK

I'm not scared.

For all those with ears to hear, let them hear:

You guys.  I did it.  I quit applebee's.  It was magical, I say.  MAGICAL.  Last friday night, I was at my bar, thinking about this oncoming month of December and how busy it's going to be, and I thought "Enough."  It's honestly like something snapped within me.  All of the pressure, all of the compromise, all of the irritating people; enough. 
You see, I bar tend.  I tend bar.  However, I don't drink.  When people sit down at my bar and ask me what's good, I lie to them about what I think is good and suggest popular drinks.  If they want to know the difference between two drinks, I act like I know.  It's a lot of compromise, you see?  I'm not an advocate of alcohol; I'm not!  I don't think it's a good thing.  Taking religion completely out of the equation, I think it ruins lives and families and puts people's lives at risk.  Do you know how many people out there drink and drive?  I'll clue you in: All of them. Ok, maybe not all of them, but I would say about 90% of the people that come and sit at my bar leave without a designated driver. 
Putting religion back into the equation, my religion explicitly states that alcohol is bad! That it's not to be consumed.  How can I look someone dead in the eye and tell them how good a Perfect Margarita is?  There's so much conflict.
It's been a long 6 years of compromise and I'm done.
I don't have a backup plan.  I don't have a way to replace that money, but I've made a good choice- one that will further my life and soul- and I'm confident that God will support me.
I'm not scared. 
I am excited for Christmas; I am excited to cut down a tree and decorate it; I am excited for crooners on the radio singing gentle songs about love peace.  I want someone to decorate my tree with and sit next to my fireplace while watching Charlie Brown's Christmas or It's a Wonderful Life. 
What is happening to me?
I love you for reading and I'm sorry I haven't been as faithful. 
Stupid school.
I love you.
Happy Thanksgiving

I told him a really funny joke

Well.  Something weird has happened to me, you guys.  It happened to me on Saturday night and I wonder (if I may be so melodramatic) if I will ever be the same.
Every now and then, I go over to my sister, Renee's house to do my laundry.  She is kind enough to leave that service available to me and it's nice to go and see my little nephew Jagger.  He and I are like, best friends.  We sword fight, wrestle, I throw him higher into the air than most people are comfortable with; he loves me and I love him.  Here's a picture of he and I, right after I told him a really funny joke:

He's shirtless because he was busy being really awesome.
Anyway, Jagger hasn't ever inspired the thought or feeling of "Man, I want my own kids."  In fact, that thought hasn't ever come without being beckoned by some ornery and incredulous female companion.  Here's what I'm trying to say:  I haven't ever really, truly wanted kids.  I haven't ever had an interest in extending my lineage or living through them or blah blah blah whatever other stupid crap that people say about the matter.  But on Saturday, as I wrestled with him, I felt something.  I mean, I felt something.  Like some sort of bitter medicine, the thought "Maybe I would like this kind of bond, this kind of companionship in my life" came.  And, not only did it come, but it is lingering!  Lingering I say! It won't leave me.
The feeling has left me feeling terribly lonely, as well.  I've always been fine being alone.  I don't mind it and I actually kind of guard it rather jealously.  But this feeling takes me being alone and changes it to me being lonely.  My priorities are suddenly jumbled.  I have always had a plan and something going on; I've always known, kind of, exactly what I was doing and where I was going.  But now, I feel so... wayward.  ha ha ha.
My name is Andrew Keele and for the first time in my entire life, I'll admit it:  I want to have kids.
You don't understand, I bet.  I'm really more selfish than you think I am. Here are some things I want: to travel the world; to drive a nice, fast car; nice carpet and a studio downstairs, in my basement. Here are some things I don't want: to wake up at 6 am to make sure that my kids get to school; to wake up in the middle of the night to some screaming baby; to have to cancel a movie night or a night at a play because one of my kids is sick.
I could go on and on.  But here's the point:  for the first time, I find that the bond and love of and from children could outweigh all of those stupid, material things that I hold in such high regard.
What is happening to me?
this has been an insightful post.
I love you for reading.
Keep the faith.

maybe later on

Hey everybody.  It's been a minute, huh?  Lookit, here's the truth:  I don't have even five seconds to myself these days.  The last month has been just crazy and I'm running around like an idiot trying to do everything.  At this very instant, I'm typing to you, my faithful readers, while I should be making a time line that shows what was going on in George Wythe's life during the time of the founding of our great nation.  So... I'm sorry, okay?  I had a ton of free time during the summer, but with the dropping of the leaves and the mercury, my free time has diminished.  Just back up off of this.
I've had kind of a lot on my plate the last few months, you guys.  I've been spending my every weekend working on a web series called Grunt Slingers.  I have been going to school (to be honest, I go about fifty percent of the time.  I just hate it so much) and doing homework.  I'm working at the hale most nights, but when I'm not there, I'm working at my accursed job, Applebee's. 
School is almost over for me.  I can't wait to be free, but at the same time, it sort of scares the bejeezus out of me.  All of my carefully laid plans must come to fruition.  Or I must attempt to make them come to fruition.  ha ha ha.  We'll see what happens, I guess. 
Spain is out, you guys.  I'm not going.  I'm not going to explain myself on here, but it's out for the time being.  Maybe later on.  Plus, if I go and spend time in Europe, I kind of want to go everywhere.  I want to go to spain, italy, france (especially normandy) england, scotland, germany, blah blah blah.
Sometimes, I think about Germany.  I think about the Germans and how the populace at one point was like "yeah.  Yeah, all of Europe should speak German.  That's good.  Also, I like that idea about how everyone should have fair skin.  That's good, too."  I mean, what the crap??  I also think about bicycles and the history of them.  Who invented the bicycle?  Oh.  Wikipedia said that it was some German.  Go figure.
But you know what I mean?  I wonder if bikes were like X-boxes.  Maybe the unreal graphics can be compared to the fact that someone could move at high speeds while maintaining their balance.  "You what?! 15 miles per hour and you were riding around on just two wheels??  How did you sustain balance?"  I bet you, when the bicycle came out all those years ago, it was the bee's knees, man.
Okay.  That's it.  I'm all done talking to you fools.  It's friggin late, anyway. 

I love you for reading.
I'm trying to be like Jesus.
xoxo

myself thinking

that one is for all of you Fun "fans".

Here's the truth: when I type in the dark, I get vertigo.   I begin to feel my body flip upside down and my head gets dizzy.  I have to type with a light on, otherwise I really start freaking out.
My week is rather cyclic.  It begins on Friday.  I spend the entire day at Applebee's.  And usually, it's fine.  By the end of the day, I'm pretty tattered and worn, and I find myself usually (only a little bit) wondering why I continue to work at a place that robs my soul.  Saturday and sunday go by, they are both nice because they are days off.  Monday comes and I swear, it's like death.  I can't explain it; I don't understand it; I work one shift at Applebee's and by the time Monday is over, I just want to rip my shirt off, light my bar on fire, kick a few hosts in the mouth and walk out the car side door, never to be heard of or seen again. (funny little anecdote: there was this guy that used to work at applebee's, I can't remember his name.  But, he just stopped showing up for his shifts one day.  A month later, his wife showed up, wanting to sit in his section and we told her he hadn't been in for a month and that he was fired for not showing up; we never heard from either of them again.  Alright, maybe it's not so funny.)  The work I do is so... compromising.  Everything about it is a compromise.  It's a compromise of my morals.  Dealing with people I don't want to deal with is a compromise.  Admitting that I'm wrong when I'm not is a compromise.  Just... my entire career (honestly! even the fact that I work there.  It's a funny  sad story.  You should ask me about it sometime.) is a conflict of interest.  It's me doing something that I haven't ever wanted to do.
Anyway, by the end of Monday night, I'm ready to quit; to throw in the proverbial towel.  But tuesday morning comes, and I find myself thinking about guys who work in Ecuador, picking bananas for 13-14 hours every day to make $200 per week.  Wednesday comes and I think about construction guys that work 12 hour days doing hard labor in the hot sun or in the freezing cold.  Thursday I find myself thinking about how some people have to work every day.  And by friday, I have realized how cushy I've got it and what a whiny bitch I am.  Ha ha ha. 
So I go to work and start the whole thing over.  End over end, I'm circling.

I love you for reading my meanderings of thought.
Always do what you're afraid to do.
I'm skipping school tomorrow.  Don't wake me, I plan on sleeping in.

Love is watching someone die.

this song is really beautiful.

I took tonight off to go to a barbecue with some very dear friends.  But I ended up sitting with my grandma as she spends her last few hours on earth.  Death is so surreal.  Does anyone really have any idea what comes after this life?  What's the deal with goodbye for forever?  I held her hand and watched as she laid there, unconscious, fighting to breathe. 

Fighting to breathe.

When I was younger, I used to hang with this guy named Frank.  He was my first friend in elementary school after moving to Santa Maria.  He had a bowl cut. He used to take major league batting gloves (he had a bunch of them.  Specifically, Angels and Dodgers gloves) and cut the fingers off of them.  Sometimes he would bring them to school and let me have one.  It was very nice.  My parents didn't like Frank a ton; he cursed and wore gloves with the fingers cut off.  He wasn't a good influence on me. 
I often wonder about Frank.  I don't even know his last name.  I hope he's doing okay, he was one of my very first friends.

Every now and then, while riding my bike, I think about jumping off, and hurling myself into a back flip, just to see if I could land it.  Wouldn't that be rad?  If I could actually do it, it would be sweet.  But then, I quickly remind myself that my motorcycle isn't paid off, that it would crash into oblivion and that I would probably end up dead. 
So I doubt I will ever attempt my cool back-flip-from-the-motorcycle idea.  Too bad.  It's a great one.  I wonder if it's even physically possible?

I'm still thinking about going to Barcelona, Spain.  I don't know, man.  It's fraught with danger, that's for sure.

Thanks for reading.
I love you.
Better get living while we're dying.

Normandy

 

Lookit, everybody.  I want to go to Europe.  I think I'm going to go in October.  You are all maybe rolling your eyes or thinking that I always say crazy crap like this.  And you're right.  But I think that in October, I am legitimately going to go to Spain.  Or maybe Italy.  I can't decide.  I know that I want to go to one of those two place, then take a train north to France.  I am going to visit versailles, possibly Normandy and St. Michel (not sure what that is? Don't worry, I put a picture below.)  After that, I think I'm going to take the chunnel north and then fly out of London.  I'll be gone all of 11 days or so.  So stoked about the idea.  

Now, about the funding... ha ha ha.  We'll see what happens.  A fool and his money, you know?

Isn't this rad?? It's over by Normandy.

It's been a minute since I posted on here.  School started.  Guys, I really hate school.  I honestly wonder if it hurts my soul like pornography or hard-core gangster rap does.  It's just so dumb and artificial.  I'm so close to being done... so close.

Somebody in my house is using my toothpaste.  It drives me CRAZY.  Not because I'm not willing to share my toothpaste.  I really don't mind sharing.  However, I do mind when they squeeze the tube from the middle.  Look, I know it's not that big of a deal, but I really, really can't stand it when the toothpaste tube is squeezed from the middle.  It says it on some of the tubes:

FOR BEST RESULTS, SQUEEZE TUBE FROM THE BOTTOM

I just can't stand it: as you reach the half-empty point of your toothpaste experience, your tube of toothpaste is this sort of mangled, pliable mess of plastic, fluoride and gel. So, dear toothpaste thief, if you're reading, I warn you to take caution.  I will exact my revenge!

I love you for reading.  Seriously.

Live lucky.

xoxo