Tuesday, September 25, 2012

myself thinking

that one is for all of you Fun "fans".

Here's the truth: when I type in the dark, I get vertigo.   I begin to feel my body flip upside down and my head gets dizzy.  I have to type with a light on, otherwise I really start freaking out.
My week is rather cyclic.  It begins on Friday.  I spend the entire day at Applebee's.  And usually, it's fine.  By the end of the day, I'm pretty tattered and worn, and I find myself usually (only a little bit) wondering why I continue to work at a place that robs my soul.  Saturday and sunday go by, they are both nice because they are days off.  Monday comes and I swear, it's like death.  I can't explain it; I don't understand it; I work one shift at Applebee's and by the time Monday is over, I just want to rip my shirt off, light my bar on fire, kick a few hosts in the mouth and walk out the car side door, never to be heard of or seen again. (funny little anecdote: there was this guy that used to work at applebee's, I can't remember his name.  But, he just stopped showing up for his shifts one day.  A month later, his wife showed up, wanting to sit in his section and we told her he hadn't been in for a month and that he was fired for not showing up; we never heard from either of them again.  Alright, maybe it's not so funny.)  The work I do is so... compromising.  Everything about it is a compromise.  It's a compromise of my morals.  Dealing with people I don't want to deal with is a compromise.  Admitting that I'm wrong when I'm not is a compromise.  Just... my entire career (honestly! even the fact that I work there.  It's a funny  sad story.  You should ask me about it sometime.) is a conflict of interest.  It's me doing something that I haven't ever wanted to do.
Anyway, by the end of Monday night, I'm ready to quit; to throw in the proverbial towel.  But tuesday morning comes, and I find myself thinking about guys who work in Ecuador, picking bananas for 13-14 hours every day to make $200 per week.  Wednesday comes and I think about construction guys that work 12 hour days doing hard labor in the hot sun or in the freezing cold.  Thursday I find myself thinking about how some people have to work every day.  And by friday, I have realized how cushy I've got it and what a whiny bitch I am.  Ha ha ha. 
So I go to work and start the whole thing over.  End over end, I'm circling.

I love you for reading my meanderings of thought.
Always do what you're afraid to do.
I'm skipping school tomorrow.  Don't wake me, I plan on sleeping in.

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