Saturday, January 19, 2013

getting real with the blog

I don't want to be your other half, I believe that one and one make two.

Listen, I've got to talk to you about something serious.  I'm sure you've seen this coming for a while now, it's not quite the same as before, was it?  Things have changed and it almost seems like they can't be fixed.  
You've got to understand.  In the spring of our relationship, we were inseparable, weren't we?  We were together, almost everyday.  I remember feeling anxious to come home so that I could tell you about my day.  I remember taking notes about men that I saw, sitting and eating, with the hopes that I could share it with you.  I felt like you understood me and I could say anything I wanted.  You understood me and you never judged.

But then, summer ended and school began.  I became too busy for you; I was doing homework and working on important projects; things that would further my life.  And my future became more important than you.  I reprioritized and found that you were in the middle of the stack; somewhere beneath work, school and recording but somewhere above video games and Dragon Ball Z.  It just got so crazy and you got lost.  
If you want the truth, I got bored. We were just a fling.  That's all we were.  I know it seemed like more and I know it could have been more.  I just wasn't as committed as I thought I was. It happened so fast and I promised more than I could possibly deliver.  You were too perfect and I need a little bit more drama in my life.  It's not you, it's me. 
I'm sorry that I called you a fling.  It seems harsh, but that's what you were.  I can't be tied to you like I was all last summer.  I can only write so often; I'm just too busy.  I love everything about you: the strength you give me, the courage and the clarity.  But you can't wait for me.  I'm moving forward.  I'm moving up and I'm moving on.
If you must know, I do have other journals.  I am more intimate with them, but that doesn't mean I care for them any more or less than you.  The relationship is different.  What you and I have is so different from what I have with them.
Of course, we can still be friends, my dear blog.  I'll write as often as I can, believe me when i tell you that.  You're one of the best things I've ever discovered.  It just won't work as more than a casual writing experience.

see you around,
Andrew J Keele

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