Tuesday, August 28, 2012

on really busy nights

this song is one of my most favorite songs of all time.  It's just really perfect.

Okay.  Look you guys, I'm going to tell you something that you're going to disagree with.  You're going to think something along the lines of "No, that might happen to others, but it won't happen to me.  I know the difference!"  But I'm telling you, straight up: you don't know the difference.
When people order ranch at applebee's, I tell them okay and run into the kitchen.  It's usually not a big deal and most of the time it takes me all of two or three minutes.  However, some nights, I'll go into the kitchen and find that the ranch is out! Getting more ranch is a quick fix, as well.  I just head into the cooler in the way back of the restaurant and grab a giant bag of it.  Honestly, worst case scenario, getting ranch to you when it's totally out in the kitchen takes about four minutes.
The thing is, sometimes, on really busy nights, four minutes is too long.  Sometimes, someone asks for ranch and instead of immediately getting ranch, I have to go greet a table (two minutes).  After greeting a table, I go and make a few drinks (three minutes).  At which point, I discover that there isn't any ranch so I have to go all the way back, open up a new bag and bring it to the front (four minutes).  Before you know it, a simple task of getting someone some ranch has become a 10 minute affair.  And that's just a simple scenario.  Sometimes, people have been waiting 15 minutes for their ranch and they're pissed about it.
So a quick fix to being out of ranch?  It's quite easy.  You bring them bleu cheese.  Yes, if you ask for ranch, but it's a hassle to get some, I will bring you bleu cheese.  Go ahead, cry foul.  "YOU BRING THEM BLEU CHEESE INSTEAD OF RANCH?!" you shout, with your fist in the air.  To which I calmly reply, "I do. And you can't tell the difference."
You see, I've been in the restaurant business for quite some time.  More than 7 years ( I know I'm pathetic, I knew when she said it...).  It was an accident the first time it happened.  Someone asked for ranch, I accidentally took them bleu cheese.  They didn't even notice.  I wouldn't have known if I hadn't poured some for myself not minutes later.  So, my gears start turning and one night, when we're out of ranch up front, I try my little trick again. 
Wouldn't you know it? success.  SUCCESS!
I've only been caught twice switching bleu cheese for ranch or vice versa.  In seven years I've only been caught twice. You can't tell the difference, my friends.
Don't be mad.  I'm not mad.
I think that that is all that I've got tonight.
I love you for reading all of my crazy thoughts. 
Peace be on you and your home.

1 comment:

  1. Totally great idea man! Not just 'cause you're right about the time, or how impatient people are (I served at Chili's for almost 3 years) but I wish I would've have thought of that. Because worst case scenario, if they do realize that it's bleu cheese (I can tell the difference and most people can't including my wife, but that's another story) you just say oh I'm sorry and they think it's an honest mistake. On the outside they look exactly the same! So I applaud your tactic and I think it's brilliant. I have a question, and you don't have to answer. But have you ever used "secret sauce" in the order of an unruly table? Or perhaps "special ordered" something for someone who deserved it?

    I've done this trick, and I'm sure you may have as well, that my friend at Chili's taught me. If someone complains about how their steak is cooked, and it's a busy night like the weekend, then this is what we do: We apologize, ask how much more done it needs to be (Or less done) then we take it to the back, and flip the steak over and leave it while we do something else that we need to do, like fill drinks or something. When we bring it back the people are always like,"..Oh that's perfect!" or "That's good." and that's the end of it. Obviously thins doesn't work if it's burnt but i'd say it works 90% of the time.